The people who push your buttons aren’t the problem

Jan 26, 2026

Every leader has at least one person who reliably gets under their skin.

It might look like:

resistance
defensiveness
missed details
emotional reactions
or a communication style that just doesn’t land

The usual advice is to give better feedback, have the hard conversation, or “deal with it.”

But here’s what I see over and over again:
The problem usually isn’t the person.
It’s the pattern that forms between you.

Certain dynamics pull leaders into reaction mode faster than others.
Certain interactions trigger old habits - tightening up, explaining more, stepping in, or shutting down.

When that happens, leadership starts to feel personal.
And heavy.
And frustrating.

When leaders learn to notice the pattern instead of blaming the personality, something shifts.

They stop trying to fix the person.
They start getting curious about the dance.
That curiosity creates options.

💜Stacey

Who might you be in an unproductive dance with? What if it isn’t “just how they are”?

And if you want to talk it through, you can always reply to this email. I read every response, and I’m genuinely glad to hear what you’re wrestling with.

Leadership doesn’t have to be a solo act. We learn this dance together.

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