The Mental Load you didn’t realize you were carrying

I had two conversations recently that have been sitting with me.

Both with thoughtful, capable female leaders.
Both exhausted.
Both carrying more than anyone around them seemed to notice.

One was talking about home.

She’s the one who sees what needs to be done.
The laundry. The groceries. The schedules. The meals.

She’s tried asking her spouse and kids to pitch in.
She’s created systems. Lists. Strategies.

And still… she’s the one holding it all mentally, wondering 💭

When did I become in charge of all of this?
Why doesn’t anyone else see what needs to be done?
Why do they have so many questions? Can’t they think for themselves?

Another leader said something strikingly similar - this time about work.

Her team stops by all day with questions.
Decisions they could make. Details she thought she’d delegated.

Different setting.
Same exhaustion.

Here’s what often sits underneath both:

We think we’ve delegated…
but we’ve never actually shared the mental load.

Delegation hands off tasks.
But without real conversation, ownership doesn’t fully transfer.
Which means the questions keep coming.
And the resentment quietly builds.

If you want them to step up…
Want fewer questions they could answer themselves…
Want to trust they have the task in hand and will deliver…

Then you need to learn where you are unintentionally enabling the current churn
And identify a few new habits to use in your conversations. 

It’s simple tweaks that make the magic happen.

The mental load lightens.
People step up differently.
And the resentment that felt so sticky begins to dissipate.

Not because you pushed harder.

Because the dance changed.


💜Stacey


PS: The burden of mental load is real and a driver of burnout for male leaders, too. Don’t fool yourself into thinking it’s “just the way things are” when you lead. It doesn’t have to be. And if you want to change it, you don’t have to do it alone.