How are you teaching others to dance with you?
A leader I was talking with recently was frustrated with his younger employees.
"They don't take initiative."
"They're always waiting for me to tell them what to do."
"They just don't seem to think for themselves."
He wondered if it was a generational issue. As we talked, I asked him a different question. "What happens when they do take initiative?"
He paused.
Then he admitted something he hadn't noticed before.
When they get started without checking in, he usually critiques what they did. Shows them a better way. Sometimes asks them to redo it. And if they're headed in the wrong direction, he gets frustrated.
Suddenly, the problem looked different.
His team wasn't necessarily lazy.
They were learning how to dance with him.
Over time, they'd discovered that waiting for instructions was safer than taking initiative.
Not because anyone told them to wait. Because that's what the relationship had taught them.
I see this pattern outside of work, too.
A parent wonders, "Why can't they just see what needs to be done?"
Meanwhile, the child has learned, "Whatever I do won't be quite right anyway, so I'll wait until Mom tells me."
A leader wonders, "Why won't my team take ownership?"
Meanwhile, the employee has learned, "He'll change it anyway."
Neither person created that dance alone.
Most leaders don't set out to create dependency. They're trying to help. They're trying to save time. They're trying to prevent mistakes. What comes naturally - They tell.
The problem isn't telling people what to do. Sometimes that's exactly what leadership requires. The problem is when telling becomes our default instead of our choice.
Every interaction teaches people how to work with us. That's why I encourage leaders to “feel their feet” first. A few intentional seconds can change the dance that follows. How? Give this a try…
Before you answer the next question… Before you jump in to fix it...
Pause.
Ask yourself: What am I about to teach this person about working with me?
Why bother? Because every leadership interaction teaches something.
The question isn't whether you're teaching. It's whether you're teaching the dance you actually want your team to learn.
đź’ś Stacey
