The Question That Quietly Derails Accountability

I was sitting in on a project meeting recently.

The facilitator was warm, thoughtful, and easy to work with.

As the meeting wrapped up, she asked, "When do you think you can have that done?"

One person suggested next Friday.

Another needed another week.

Someone else mentioned vacation.

The conversation became a negotiation.

She smiled. “Thanks everyone...we'll make it work." No one left the meeting frustrated.

A few weeks later, the project was behind. She was frustrated. She felt trapped - the only option she felt she had was to keep pushing the deadline down the road. She knew this was not going to play well with senior leadership, but what could she do?  Her people are so busy!

I see this pattern all the time.

Not because leaders don't value accountability.

Because they value relationships.

Many of us have learned that being a good leader means being flexible, reasonable, accommodating. So we ask questions that feel collaborative…and sometimes they are. 

However, sometimes we're simply asking people to negotiate something the work has already decided.

Let me show you what I mean using different example:

The client presentation is on the 28th. 

The proposal has to go out Friday.

The budget closes at the end of the month.

Those aren't your expectations.

They're the reality of the project.

Imagine the conversation sounding like this instead.

"Our presentation is on the 28th. To be ready, we need the draft by the 20th. What do you see that could get in the way of that?"

Same conversation. Different leadership.

The timeline isn't up for negotiation. How we get there is.

Now the team is solving the right problem together.

The leader's job isn't to carry the pressure. The leader's job is to make the pressure visible. So the conversation changes.

Instead of asking, "When do you think you can get it done?"

You begin with, "Here's what the work requires. Let's figure out together how we'll get there."

That's a very different conversation.

And over time...It creates a very different dance.

💜 Stacey

PS  What question do you use to tee up a discussion about deadlines? What might you try instead?  Reply to this email - I’d love to hear!