My Computer Died. My Patience Almost Followed.

I'm writing this newsletter on my phone. Yep. My phone.

My computer broke last week. Most of my data couldn't be recovered. The repair estimate? Four to six weeks.

So I decided to buy a new one. Except the one I needed wasn't in stock. Then my credit card had an issue at checkout.

Seriously?! What next?

I wish I could tell you I handled it all beautifully. Nope.

I vented. I got irritated. I contemplated canceling all my calls until I had a working computer again.

But I also caught myself.

Standing in front of a wonderfully helpful clerk, I felt my feet. Rather than letting my frustration drive the interaction, I got curious about the person in front of me. We ended up having a lovely conversation.

When I wanted to cancel my calls, I looked for another option. Turns out Zoom works on my phone. And at one point, I just laughed. It released some of the tension.

None of this fixed my computer. I'm still frustrated!

But here's what struck me.

I spend my days helping leaders notice the patterns they get caught in when things aren't going the way they hoped. And there I was, practicing the very same thing.

Because we all have our go-to moves when we're frustrated. We push harder. Withdraw. Vent. Take over. Send the email we probably shouldn't.

And the people around us have their moves, too.

Think about that person on your team who gets irritated when things go wrong. Maybe everyone has learned to give them space. Avoid certain topics. Wait until they're in a better mood.

Nobody sat down and agreed to this arrangement. It just happened. And now everyone knows the steps.

That's the dance.

Here's what I help leaders discover: It's not just about managing your own reactions. It's about noticing what's happening between people and learning how to change it.

Sometimes that means catching yourself before you fire off a stinging email. Sometimes it's noticing that you're avoiding a colleague because you don't want to deal with their reaction.

And sometimes it's having a conversation that sounds something like, "I've noticed when things get stressful, we tend to stop talking to each other. Have you noticed that, too?"

Not blaming. Not tiptoeing. Not pretending everything is fine.

Getting curious about the pattern and inviting someone into a different dance.

That's where leadership gets interesting. And where relationships begin to change.

So here's something to notice this week: **When frustration shows up, what dance do you and the people around you fall into?**

And what might happen if you chose a different step?

You don't have to get it right every time. I certainly don't.

But you can learn to feel your feet, recognize the dance you're in, and choose what happens next.

Stacey

P.S. Still waiting for that computer. Still not thrilled about it.