When You Find Yourself Dancing Alone…Again

Leadership has a funny way of convincing us we should be able to do it alone.

After all, we're the leaders. We're supposed to know what to do. Stay calm. Figure it out. Be resilient.

Somewhere along the way, many of us start believing that asking for another perspective means we're struggling. I don't believe that. In fact, I think the healthiest leaders know exactly when it's time to invite a thought partner back onto the dance floor - not because they're failing, but because they're human.

The truth is, most of us barely notice when we've drifted out of rhythm. It happens gradually.

You become impatient more often than you'd like. You're spending more than about 30% of your day in reaction mode instead of responding with intention.

Then the thoughts begin.

Why am I the only one who cares?

If I don't do it, it won't get done.

They should know this by now.

Slowly, curiosity gives way to judgment, and the assumptions come faster and louder.

They're lazy.

They're untrustworthy.

They just don't care.

These are common clues that you've quietly slipped back into an old leadership dance. You're carrying more than your share. You've slipped back into overleading. You've started dancing for everyone instead of dancing with them.

Here's what I've learned about myself over the years.

We're simply too close to our own patterns. We can't always hear the tone in our voice. We don't notice the assumptions we're making. We don't realize how much weight we've quietly picked back up.

It's hard to see your own dance when you're in the middle of it. That's why another perspective can change everything.

We don’t need a thought partner because they have the answers.

It’s because they can see what we've stopped seeing.

That outside perspective is the gift of coaching.

Am I telling you you need a coach always and forever? No.

It's healthy to take breaks from coaching.

There are seasons when we're integrating what we've learned, practicing new ways of leading, and discovering we really can trust ourselves. Then there are seasons when another perspective helps us hear the music again.

And, just like seasons, the music always changes.

Life changes. Our teams change. We change.

And that's usually when you notice the signs once again.

Not because something is wrong.

Because you've simply been dancing alone for too long.

Leadership was never meant to feel that way.

💜 Stacey